i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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