i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
