I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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