Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
