I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize