i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
