I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
