Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
