you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize