Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
