Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My bed smells like the plague
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
