Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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