He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
