I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize