I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
