i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
