Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
