I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
