she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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