I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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