Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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