She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
