is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
