the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
