i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
