Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
