She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
