your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
