We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
