BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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