You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
