i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize