The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
