I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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