i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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