Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
