I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
