I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
