that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
