Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
