How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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