in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
