Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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