He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
BRING THE BAGELS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
