i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
