I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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