people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
