id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
