I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize