I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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