He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize