Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
