why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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