so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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