I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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