Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
