I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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