literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
