lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
