Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
