everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
