community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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