I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize