After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
