Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
