party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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