Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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