We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
