Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
