not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
