During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
