a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
