$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
