Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
