my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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