Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
