I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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