I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish my penis had an off switch
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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