The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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