If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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