I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
