I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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