i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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