I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
