Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
