I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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