Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
