i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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