i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my liver is dry heaving
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
