You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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