But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
