i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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