What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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