he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
