I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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