I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
