it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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