dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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