he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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