Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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