Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
