lets start a swedish sibling band together
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
