Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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